Category Archives: psychotherapy

Dear Dad, This is What I Want to Say to You on Father’s Day:

A 21st Century Woman Calls Dads to Action

What do I, a woman and your daughter, have to say to you on Father’s day? When you let yourself be vulnerable it does not mean you are weak.

Matter of fact being vulnerable—open, real, alive, honest, sharing “heartfully”—is the most innovative, creative and powerful place to live and work from.

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It’s so weird dad, women are often criticized because they are too vulnerable or emotional and we, men and women, have been socialized to think—being a male is better, superior, more powerful and women are the second sex, we give ourselves up, we are weak . . . but it’s time to wake up dad.

These beliefs are not true. Actually they are destructive. It’s time to change them. 

It’s time to realize that being vulnerable is sharing our humanity with each other, It is not only healing but it is living on the edge and the unknown, it is life changing.

When men, dear dad, and women, both realize that the more we let down our walls and talk from our hearts, we will know how to love and the world will change.

Dear dad the time is NOW.

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Lynda Klau, Ph.D.

Founder & Director

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development

www.drlyndaklau.com

life-unlimited-blog.com

1 212 595 7373

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“Take the first step” toward Real Communication

Take the first step says poet David Whyte, not the second or the third for real communication: with yourself, at work, at home . . . in all communications, in all relationships.

Learn how to LISTEN even when you are angry or convinced you are right. Learn how to say what needs to be said that’s in your head and heart.

Over and over again I find myself being moved when I hear another tell me their experience. Like yesterday, I went to a new dentist who I didn’t want to like. My beloved dentist of years had retired and sold his practice to Dr. J.

Little by little as I shared my negative thoughts with a patient in the waiting room and listened to her, and then listened to Eileen as she cleaned my teeth, I saw my closed, fixed opinion begin to soften and open. And finally I meet Dr. J. He is shockingly lovely, open and smart. He is the first dentist who will listen to me talk about my health food toothpastes that have me coming for teeth cleanings every six months instead of the typical three-month visit.

Take the first step: learn how to put your feelings into words and share. Learn how to “for real” listen.

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Here’s an exercise for you to develop your sharing and listening muscles.

An Exercise: Sharing Appreciations and Resentments

1.  A speaks her appreciations to B. B listens and doesn’t interrupt. A gives concrete examples, e.g. when I asked you to turn the computer off and you did, I really appreciated that. A gives a concrete example for every appreciation. Maximum time–3 minutes.

2.  B speaks her appreciations to A.  Again, very concrete examples. A listens, hopefully with head and heart and does not interrupt.

3.  A speaks her resentments, once again using concrete examples. B listens, no interruptions.

4.  B shares resentments while A listens.

Do this for a short period of time—3 minutes each maximum.

At first you are practicing speaking and listening. There is no responding.  When you have developed a muscle, you can respond if you want to after the other person has shared. No discussion just a simple response for no more than 1 minute.

This is a powerful exercise. In the end you do not have to agree. You may really disagree. However, if you’re listening with your head, heart and body you will most likely be affected; you and the other will find your authentic way.

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Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

1 212 595 7373

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The Notebook

Completing 2012 and Going Forward in 2013

A few years ago I heard a wise man make a suggestion I’d like to bring to you now. He recommended you purchase a beautiful notebook. This notebook is for you and your “revelations.” You can share it’s content or keep it private.

Perhaps you want to begin by remembering 2012 and the “revelations” you had this year. As a “revelation” comes write it down. What is a “revelation”? It’s a wisdom that came to you, an awareness that freed you from some personal or collective conditioning, a knowing. A revelation is something of value, a realization. Give yourself time to reflect on 2012. Please see if you can go forward without judging but proceed compassionately and in celebration.

Now for 2013 . . . every time you have a revelation write it down or draw a picture and then put it away in a private place until the next one comes.

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At any time the spirit moves you take out your notebook and read it. Imagine this come next December on some cold wintery night you may want to take out your notebook and read the gems of your life for 2013. Alone or share; it’s your notebook.

This year I’m going to follow my suggestion myself.

May 2013 be your best year yet!

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Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

http://www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

1 212 595 7373

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An Intentional Thanksgiving 2012

Dr. Lynda Klau

How to have a Stress-Free, Restorative, Thankful, Out of the Box, 2012 Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving begins our year-end holiday season. It’s supposed to be a time of giving thanks and love but can you hear your moans and feel the dread in the atmosphere. Why? Often we get so caught up in the rituals and old habits that we lose sight of the deeper meaning and walk into Christmas and then the new year exhausted, having eaten too much, feeling irritated with our friends or family, frustrated from travelling in overload season, having spent too much money . . .

This year consider these out of the box ways of spending thanksgiving and make this Thanksgiving your best yet—give thanks for your love for yourself, your life and the people in your community.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step One – Spend some time alone and/or with your family and friends exploring how you really want to spend this holiday, what you really want to do. Be creative: go to the movies all day long, order in pizzas, spend time alone and reflect on your life (Link to http://drlyndaklau.com/media.html), catch up on sleep, go to Paris, make love all day . . . And come to clarity for yourself and for your community.

If you are alone ask yourself do you want to be with people or not? Being alone doesn’t mean you are not loved or loveable. If you want to be with people find some people to join or volunteer somewhere.

If you want to do the traditional meal and gathering then do it with kindness and joy for everyone, the cook, the clean up crew, the set-up team, and practice acceptance, listening, and being mindful.

Step Two – Create a Plan or Follow your Flow

Don’t forget to spend some time focused on the true meaning of Thanksgiving.  It is all about giving thanks

  • give thanks for your life, your breathe, the day, the air,
  • give thanks for imagining that you have achieved what you desire
  • give thanks for everything

Before we say goodbye – If you are addicted to Black Friday, how about going Cold Turkey. Just don’t go. Stay home! Go Slow!

By the end of the weekend celebrate how good you feel and how grateful you are for changing the old ritual and creating a new one that serves you and yours.

Change is ahead!

Dr. Lynda Klau

11.15.12

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

drlyndaklau@gmail.com

1 212 595 7373

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Resources: Dare to be Your Real Self!

Shift from being brilliant as a people pleaser to being AUTHENTIC

I love quotes. Do you? May these speak to you, go straight to your heart and inspire you to be who you really are.

                                                                                         Lynda

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
Was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.
The only true success is to be able to live your life in your own way.
                                                                                         Anais Nin

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.

                                                                                         Carl Jung

A man or woman with outward courage dares to die.
A man or woman with inward courage dares to live.
                                                                                         Lao Tzu

Why must we answer the call to awaken? Why must we follow the questions of our soul? Because it is through habitual, non-inquisitive living that we lose our sense of wonder . . . Only seldom does the haze lift, as we glimpse for a moment the amazing plenitude of being here in the heart of the greatest story ever told—our own lives . . . Once you start to awaken, however, nothing or no one can ever claim you again, pull you back into old patterns. Once you start to awaken, you know how precious your time here—on earth, in this body—is. You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self . . . now you are impatient for growth, willing to put yourself in the way of change . . . You begin to trust the music of your own soul; you have inherited treasure that no one will ever be able to take from
you . . .

                                                                                         John O’Donohue

God, thou who seal thyself in the clouds, or behind the shoemaker’s house
disclose my soul,
that doleful soul of a stammering kid, show me my path,
I don’t want to be like the others;
I want to see a new world.
                                                                                         Marc Chagall

When its over, I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

                                                                                         Mary Oliver

l learned at least this by my experiences. That if one advances confidently, in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put something behind and will pass an invisible boundary.
                                                                                         Henry David Thoreau

Our past is not our potential. In any hour, with all the stubborn teachers and healers of history who called us to our best selves, we can liberate the future. One by one, we can re-choose—to awaken. To leave the prison of our conditioning, to love, to turn homeward. To conspire with and for each other. Awakening brings its own assignments, unique to each of us, chosen by each of us. Whatever you may think about yourself, and however long you may have thought it, you are not just you. You are a seed, a silent promise. You are the conspiracy.

                                                                                         Marilyn Ferguson

I’d love to hear your comments, questions and favorite quotes.

Lynda

Dr. Lynda Klau
Founder and Director of
Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility
http://www.DrLyndaKlau.com
Life-Unlimited-Blog.com
1 212 595 7373

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Are You Brilliant at People Pleasing But Long to be Authentic?

5 Tools to Shift from People Pleasing to Being You

Not sure who you are? If you are a Yes to many of these questions then be assured that you are a people pleaser who may want to read on . . .

  • Do you know what you really love and need?
  • Are you afraid of having a conflict and losing your connection and being alone?
  • Do you feel you are “not enough and need to pretend to be someone you are not?”
  • Does negative feedback devastate you?
  • Are you brilliant at giving other people exactly what they need but angry because no one gives you what you need?
  • Are you somewhere on this spectrum but definitely not as authentic as you want to be?

If this is you, don’t judge yourself! People pleasing is one very powerful way of surviving. However, there is another way . . .

Are you ready to move from people pleaser to authentic?
And experience the joy of having your real voice and your real self?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have helped many people go from being invisible to authentic, discover who they really are, find what they want, and have the courage to be themselves. In fact I spent years taking personal and professional training courses to journey from “people pleaser to authentic.” Now I’ve learned how to share quickly and powerfully what it took me years to learn.

Here are some key tools to begin being brilliant at Being You!

  1. Repeat this Affirmation over and over again—I want to please you, but not at the expense of losing myself.
  2. When asked if you want to do something, give yourself some space and time to know what you want. For example you can say “ I need to look at my calendar, and I’ll get back to you.  Then sit quietly with yourself and see what is right for you.
  3. Practice saying “No” with a friend. Sit facing each other and say out loud “NO.”  After a number of saying No then add some content.  “No I don’t want to get pregnant.”  “No I don’t want to make love now”. “No I don’t want to go to work today.” Notice the feelings you have that go with your No. Angry, loving, scared . . . Can you say “No” and be loving?
  4. Adopt this belief: I can be the real me and simultaneously be connected to others. I can be Separate and Connected.
  5. Buy a beautiful journal—the I Can Be Real Journal—Every night do an Evening Review of the Day. What did I say or do that was real and right for me today? How do I feel in my body as I remember that? Where did I give the real me up today? How do I feel in my body as I remember that? In these cases repeat the scene and imagine a different ending where you respond from a “real you” response. This is healing.

We are offering a New Teleclass on this critical topic: Are You Brilliant at People Pleasing But Long to be Authentic? This is for your personal and professional growth. To stay informed, to get free resources, and to get teleclass details click here and sign up in the box.

Feel free to contact Lynda at Lynda@drlyndaklau.com

Read about the workshop and to get future announcements by clicking here

“You become a people pleaser to survive, you become authentic to thrive.”

                                                                                                     Lynda Klau

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

New Teleclass: Are you Brilliant at People Pleasing But Long to be Authentic?

1 212 595 7373

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Avoidance or Awareness: How Do You Live?

Dr. Lynda Klau

“Avoidance works but Awareness works better and is in the direction of Evolution.”  Marilyn Ferguson

Years ago I read that sentence in an inspirational book by Marilyn Ferguson called “The Aquarian Conspiracy.” There are some lines that you hear once and never forget. This is one of them. Ferguson was right. Avoidance does work. You can push down, cut off, go far away, blame, not see—to varying degrees—feelings and thoughts inside you. You can live with a broken shower head, a doorbell that hasn’t rung in years, not see the garbage on the streets and much more. Avoidance supports you in living with the hard stuff without addressing it, without even being aware of it.  Avoidance helps you go forward. And, yet, there is a price to pay.

 *** 

See your right hand pushing your left fist down. Be your right hand. How much energy does your right hand need to keep your left fist down? Now see your left hand, after being held down for quite some time, and be your left hand, busting lose. Explosions happen from the repressed and suppressed. In the places where you avoid how can you be truly connected with yourself? How can you be fully intimate with another? How can your heart be wide open to all of life?

In order to survive many of us have had to avoid.  May we honor “avoidance.”  And realize its price.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awareness at its best means observing from a place that watches and does not judge. It is about waking up. You wake up to your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and decisions you’ve made about yourself and the world. I am bad. The world is dangerous. It’s my fault. You wake up to reality, the facts: you see the broken showerhead, you don’t have a job, your relationship is a mess. And you wake up to your calm center, your essence. As you build awareness you are also building another place on which to stand that holds the “all and the everything” from love and openness. From this perspective you can wholeheartedly see what is, and grow with it. What’s the downside? Often feelings and facts hurt. But the whole truth is they only hurt for a little while and then, the truth when felt, sets you free.

Do you want to move toward Awareness? Can you see some of its benefits?

What is the key to developing your Awareness? What is the major obstacle?

I always want to hear from you,

Lynda

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder & Director of

LifeUnlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

1 212 595 7373

Date 7.16.12

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