Tag Archives: Depression

An Intentional Thanksgiving 2012

Dr. Lynda Klau

How to have a Stress-Free, Restorative, Thankful, Out of the Box, 2012 Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving begins our year-end holiday season. It’s supposed to be a time of giving thanks and love but can you hear your moans and feel the dread in the atmosphere. Why? Often we get so caught up in the rituals and old habits that we lose sight of the deeper meaning and walk into Christmas and then the new year exhausted, having eaten too much, feeling irritated with our friends or family, frustrated from travelling in overload season, having spent too much money . . .

This year consider these out of the box ways of spending thanksgiving and make this Thanksgiving your best yet—give thanks for your love for yourself, your life and the people in your community.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step One – Spend some time alone and/or with your family and friends exploring how you really want to spend this holiday, what you really want to do. Be creative: go to the movies all day long, order in pizzas, spend time alone and reflect on your life (Link to http://drlyndaklau.com/media.html), catch up on sleep, go to Paris, make love all day . . . And come to clarity for yourself and for your community.

If you are alone ask yourself do you want to be with people or not? Being alone doesn’t mean you are not loved or loveable. If you want to be with people find some people to join or volunteer somewhere.

If you want to do the traditional meal and gathering then do it with kindness and joy for everyone, the cook, the clean up crew, the set-up team, and practice acceptance, listening, and being mindful.

Step Two – Create a Plan or Follow your Flow

Don’t forget to spend some time focused on the true meaning of Thanksgiving.  It is all about giving thanks

  • give thanks for your life, your breathe, the day, the air,
  • give thanks for imagining that you have achieved what you desire
  • give thanks for everything

Before we say goodbye – If you are addicted to Black Friday, how about going Cold Turkey. Just don’t go. Stay home! Go Slow!

By the end of the weekend celebrate how good you feel and how grateful you are for changing the old ritual and creating a new one that serves you and yours.

Change is ahead!

Dr. Lynda Klau

11.15.12

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

drlyndaklau@gmail.com

1 212 595 7373

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Hey Baby, I mean you, Baby Boomer: Be the Queen You Are!

Hey Baby Boomers. This is your time to lead! Be the Queen.

If as the Dalai Lama has said, that it is the western woman who will lead the world, then he is calling on you Baby Boomer, Wise Woman, Queen to lead the way.

First things first, Baby Boomer, Queen: do you have your voice? Can you speak your real truth? A leader needs to be able to speak her truth whether it is 1 on 1 or from 1-to-1000. Typically women of our generation were not taught to have, no less, speak their voice. If you have your voice, wonderful, celebrate! If you don’t, what will you do to find it? Or reclaim it?

 

Many of us learned to imitate men. But that’s not a woman’s voice or perspective. A real woman’s voice is truthful as well as compassionate, kind, relational, and non-judgmental. This is exactly what we need more of in the world today.

If you want to learn to speak your truth keep reading my blog posts for tips, tools and related topics or contact me directly

What else, Baby Boomer, Queen? Please stop mourning the loss of being a rosebud or a princess. There is a time for everything.

Now is the time to:

  • Strut like the beautiful woman you are—here’s the key: feel beautiful on the inside and you will be beautiful.
  • Lead other women to stop obsessing about age or weight
  • It’s time to appreciate all the life lessons you have learned and your wisdom
  • Start by honoring what you love. Then offer that to the world.

This is the beginning of harvest time. Enjoy your harvest. Enjoy your life experience, your wisdom. Claim your power. Our patriarchal world will have you obsessing over wrinkles and fearing this illness or that and then death. Hogwash! Show the world that being a Baby Boomer is a true coming of age and time to blossom into the full flower you are.

Take part in a world-wide movement that is changing deep-rooted collective beliefs about women and power and what we can offer the world. Change the socialization. Change your longevity.

It’s your choice! Choose to be a Queen for yourself, for your family, for your community, for our world. The world needs you Baby.

You hold the keys to the Kingdom or should I say Queendom!

Dr. Lynda Klau

10.18.12

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com


Life-Unlimited-Blog.com


1 212 595 7373

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Life Coaching: 6 Ways To Be Your Own Best Valentine

Dr. Lynda Klau

single, divorced, separated,depression, self-judgmentHow not to fall into feeling unlovable or lonely this year because you don’t have a Valentine!

Once again, February 14th is right around the corner. And this year, for whatever reason, you don’t have a Valentine to call your own. You may be single or separated, divorced or widowed. Unfortunately, so many of us who find ourselves in this situation fall into feelings of deep inadequacy and despair. We tell ourselves: “I’m not good enough; something’s wrong with me; I’ll never find someone.” The reasons why we’re “alone” don’t matter. What matters is learning how to address these feelings so that you embrace Valentine’s Day 2012 feeling the fullness of love rather than the black hole of emptiness and lack.

Here are 6 proven ways for you to be your own best Valentine this year.

1. Avoid the black hole. You may be tempted to judge or blame yourself because you are alone. Don’t do it! Say to yourself, as often as necessary, what your deepest wisdom knows to be true: “I am lovable and connected to everyone, forever.” You don’t have to believe it for this to work!

Cherish the daily miracles that might easily be missed: the smile of a stranger, the movement of a child, a lovely connection with a service person.

2. Buy Yourself the most beautiful Valentine’s Day Card several days before the “big day.” Then spend some time writing a heartfelt note to yourself and literally mail it to your own address. When the card arrives in your mailbox, enjoy opening it and reading it on Valentine’s Day. Inhale your message, feeling its beauty in your heart. Then let that radiate to your whole body.

3. Before Valentine’s Day, ask yourself: “How do I really want to spend Valentine’s Day and evening?” Do you want to gather with friends? If so, here’s a wonderful exercise: Pair up, either standing or sitting, with one person at a time. Face each other silently, looking into each other’s eyes for a few minutes.  Feel your connection. Repeat this with each person that has gathered together with you.

Do you want to be with yourself? Then call someone you love, or who loves you, or who you know needs love and celebrate loving.

Want to treat yourself to something special? Treat yourself to a massage:  feel the nurturing touch and enjoy.

4. On the actual day, buy yourself some ‘I Love You candies’ or long stem American beauty red roses. Silently say to all parts of yourself—especially to the young and vulnerable parts—”You are loved.”

5. Wish other people you know Happy Valentine’s Day. It should be everyone and anyone: the cashier at the supermarket, the baby-sitter, your car mechanic, the doorman, the postman or post-woman. You’re not wishing them for what you’ll receive but enjoy all the “Happy Valentine’s Day wishes” you receive
back from them.

6. Know this Truth: You can only truly love and be loved by another when you are masterful at loving yourself, just the way you are.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you always!

Lynda

Dr. Lynda Klau,
Founder & Director of
Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development
http://www.drlyndaklau.com
1 212 595 7373

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Marriage Counseling: “Being With” is Severely Underrated

Marriage Counseling: “Being With” is Severely Underrated

Sometimes life places those we love in excruciating circumstances. They might be hurting, sick, grieving, or even dying.

As partners, our natural desire is to fix the problem and take away the hurt. But when we truly can’t “do anything in the face of such awfulness, we often feel helpless and powerless. This can be extremely hard for us to bear.

In situations such as these— in which “nothing can be done”— is there anything we can do?

Yes! We should never underestimate the power of simply “being with” our partner. This means being fully present and receptive to whatever our partner is experiencing without trying to change anything.

“Being with” is simple, yet not easy. Sometimes, it can be too painful to stay “open.” Be kind to yourself.  Notice when you can remain “open” and when you can’t. Don’t judge yourself. If you need to take a moment, do so.

In the darkest moments, this act of “being with” is perhaps the greatest gift we can give.

For more about Marriage Counseling please visit http://drlyndaklau.com/love_relationships.html

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Couples Counseling: When Being Right is Wrong

Couples Counseling: When Being Right is Wrong.

couples counseling, couples psychotherapyWhen I heard my own voice crack while saying “I do” during my marriage ceremony over two decades ago, I must have had a premonition that I understood nothing about how to have a thriving relationship. Was I wise enough to read up on the subject? Did I reflect on what I had learned from my family or my cultural role models? I must have thought that I could just walk into a marriage  and live happily-ever-after. Perhaps many of us thought the same thing!

Think of it this way: To be a great skier, you have to take lessons and practice. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for a broken bone, not a glorious glide down the slopes. Building a vibrant relationship is no different.

Years later, after my divorce, I committed myself to becoming masterful at creating and thriving relationships and fixing broken ones, for myself and others.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that sometimes Being Right is Wrong!  So often many of us get stuck in one rigid position and that’s where we stay: stuck! In the realm of feelings and opinions, there is no “right.”  There is either open or closed, fear or love.

How often do you insist on being right? How often does your partner?  Why? Being “right” closes the conversation and the flow of energy between you. Then you become locked in opposite positions, with no opportunity to move forward.

Ask yourself:  Can I listen to the person in front of me from my heart? Can my partner listen to me?

It’s best when it’s a two way street.  You don’t need to agree: when there are two people in the room, you can expect two different opinions. But if you both listen to one another from your heart, allowing your differences, you will both learn, grow and be transformed together.

Questions for you:  Am I closing or opening the conversation? Can I have my voice and let my partner have his or hers? Can I agree to allow two different people to be in the room? I always want to hear your thoughts, dreams, visions, and winning tips, as well as the problems you’re currently struggling with that you need help resolving.   I invite you share with me on the Unlimited Life NY Blog or contact me personally @ drlyndaklau@gmail.com or 212-595-7373.

Couples Counseling: When Being Right is Wrong – By Dr Lynda Klau

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Psychotherapy: getting free to live your dreams.

Psychotherapy: Transference: getting free to live your dreams.
Do you want to be free? Free of the obstacles that block you
from living your dreams. Then learn about Transference. It
is a key psychological concept that we all should know about
and understand. When we are able to be conscious that
transference is unconsciously operating in our lives; then we
have choice.


What is Transference? In the broadest definition of that term,
refers to the unconscious act of redirecting or projecting the
feelings that we had toward our parents or early caregivers
onto people in our everyday lives. To say that it affects our
behavior constantly would be an understatement. Imagine that
your boss doesn’t look you in the eyes and it instantly makes
you feel exactly as your father did when he treated you
dismissively as a child. Imagine walking into a job interview
and finding that the person behind the desk talks constantly
about herself, which unconsciously triggers the way you felt
when your father incessantly lectured you without asking your
opinions. Lastly, how many times have you been strongly
triggered by someone, either positively or negatively, without
knowing why? The truth is that most of us react to these
transferential situations emotionally and unconsciously.
The “wisdom-perspective” would advise us to detach from the
situation at hand because our personal feelings do not reflect
the objective facts. One of the common catchphrases of the
wisdom perspective is “Don’t take it personally!” But what
happens when we can’t help but do so?

If we understand the
psychological concept of Transference, then we realize that
the “real” situation we’re dealing with often triggers
a “symbolic” one that is often unconscious, activating feelings
that arise from our past. By addressing Transference, we begin
to distinguish between what is real and what is symbolic,
allowing us to return to everyday situations with awareness
and choice.



Transference Exercise

Here is an exercise to be done in your own

private time and space, designed to help decrease the negative
effects of Transference in your life:


Step 1: List the people in your everyday world who “push your
buttons.”


Step 2: Select one person on which to focus specifically.


Step 3: Perform a review of your feelings about this person. Ask
yourself: “What happened in reality? Who in my past does this
remind me of? How do I feel about that person?”


Step 4: Now visualize a boundary and separate the “real” person
you’re dealing with from the “symbolic” person they trigger


Step 5: Listen non-judgmentally to the feelings triggered by
the “symbolic” person. For example, pay attention to the things you
might have wanted to say or do to someone from your past, but
which you never did. You may even want to write your feelings down
concretely.


Step 6: Return to the “real” situation. What has changed?



This exercise should be repeated as often as necessary. It brings us
back to the “real” situation with a greater sense of emotional freedom
and clarity. The more conscious we become of our transferential
responses, their effect on us will increasingly diminish. We will not
simply unconsciously react to a person or a situation, but we will
respond productively with awareness and choice.

Want to heal your obstacles or blocks, your depression, anxiety, self-
esteem issues, and more? Want to know what your transference
rating is? Contact Dr. Lynda Klau @ drlyndaklau@gmail.com. http://
drlyndaklau.com/psychotherapy.html
.

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Psychotherapy: On Being and Becoming Whole

Blogs relating to: Psychotherapy and Couples Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy: On Being and Becoming Whole

Psychotherapy

Some of the most leading edge work in psychotherapy these days combines mindfulness, the body, neuroscience, and relationship research. I’ll be teaching a course in this powerful approach for mental health professionals as part of The Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy’s Year Long Certification Program in 2011-2012. Here’s the course description.

On Being and Becoming Whole

When we as mental health professionals combine mindfulness, neuroscience, and new relationship research, a synergetic approach emerges.

Several questions arise relevant to integrating psychotherapy and spirituality:

These and other questions inform this learning module, which draws from personal and professional stories as well as exercises and discussion.

  • How does mindfulness contribute?
  • How can we include the body?
  • What does “brain-wise” neuroscientific knowledge add?
  • What qualities can we develop to facilitate relationships that heal?

FREE OFFER

If you want to receive my hot of the press new podcast guiding you in a mindfulness meditation email me drlyndaklau@gmail.com and I’m happy to personally send it to you.

Sign up for the email newsletter on my official website for periodic updates and helpful information and resources.

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