Tag Archives: Neuroscience

Be More, Do Less And Save Time

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I just came back from a BEING, DO NOTHING vacation. More than ever I spent time Being and doing nothing. No agendas, no digital, no schedules.  Lots of sleep, rests and more. I returned renewed, restored and relaxed beyond words. As human BEINGS we need Being time.

Vacations are important, however, we need to have Being time everyday.

The blog post saving time by doing LESS by Alex Cavoulacos from wework.com came my way and it is so relevant to what I want to share about more time to Be.  She is on target offering us ways to save time by doing less.  Here are some of the tips that Alex suggests that I particularly resonated with:

  • Say no-it’s crucial-and she tells you how.
  • Let go of control – delegate more.
  • Pare your To Do List down by asking yourself, “What is the impact of doing this?” Great question. If there is no impact, let it go.
  • Length of meetings-shorten meetings to 20-30 minutes-that one gave me pause.

Those are smart Doing ways to save time so you have more of it.

We can also save time by Being more.

Here are some ways to Be more, Do Less and Save Time. The more we Be and stop doing, the more focused and clear we will become about what we have to do and how to do it. We will learn to let go of feeling stuck and taking things personally, and therefore save time. These Being times bring us back to center and into the presence of now, facilitate our receiving intuitions and inspirations and open our hearts.

As human beings we also need Being time to fulfill our natures.

Make time for Being in Silence and Solitude

  • Unplug everyday from everything for at least one minute. Gradually work up to three, five, ten or even fifteen! The longer the better.
  • Light a candle and sit quietly.
  • Meditate: sense your breath, watch your mind quiet and connect to your body and soul.
  • Do restorative yoga which includes holding poses for an extended period of time.
  • Soak in a bathtub.
  • Weed the garden.
  • Rock in your rocker.
  • Rest on a bed or sofa for a few minutes.
  • Practice mindfulness in all that you do. Click here for tips from Lynda.

Being more has you stopping, dipping into the well.

Returning to your center.

Resting in your inner home.

Going slower, saving time and living longer.

When we are in Harmony with ourselves, we are in harmony with the universe.

We want to be both Being and Doing, in the proper balance for who we are and the needs of the day. We want to live from our whole self, fulfilling our deepest potential.

***

This is my last post on the Life-Unlimited-Blog.  I will continue blogging on my new From Fear to Freedom Blog, which will be housed on a brand new redesign of our website, http://drlyndaklau.com. This site will be launched shortly. Stay tuned in for updates!

It’s a perfect ending blog post.

Be more, Do less.

Manifest your Freedom, No Regrets, you can Choose your Life.

The more you Be and Do wisely, the more you will live the life you love.

I’m always interested in hearing from you,

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Lynda Klau, Ph.D.

Founder & Director

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development

www.drlyndaklau.com

1 212 595 737

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When was the last time you said “I Love You” . . . to Yourself?

When was the last time you said “I Love You” . . . to Yourself? Now that’s a question, isn’t it?

And I’m curious about your answer. Would it be OK to ask yourself the question now? See if you can embrace whatever answer comes without judging yourself. Whatever your answer, it’s just information.

***

An Exercise for You
Here’s an exercise that can help. Sit down in a place where you won’t be disturbed. Breathe in and out three times. Close your eyes and see yourself standing in front of a mirror. Now be there in front of that mirror. Say to yourself, either silently or out loud “Your Name, I Love You.” How does it feel to the part of you who is saying it? Why are you saying it? And for the part of you who is hearing and receiving it, can you let it in? Does it feel good? Or not? What are you feeling in your body? Do you feel worthy of such self-love? Do you deserve? If you feel loved—wonderful.

If you can’t say it or it’s hard or you can’t let the love in then you may want to start saying “I Love you” and see what arises when you say those words while at the same time strengthening your love of yourself. See if you can hold love and not love. That would be a good practice.

***

What did you discover? When was the last time you said I Love You to yourself: upon wakening this morning? before going to sleep last evening? a month ago? you can’t remember? hardly ever? Are you much more accustomed to hear yourself saying, “I hate this wrinkle or look at that fat roll?”

It was Carl Rogers, the psychologist, who said the hardest thing for people to say to each other are the very positive things. That is true for ourselves with ourselves. As I write to you today I’m remembering I have lived through loving and hating myself. They are two different worlds. I’m remembering one morning just around Halloween, years ago, when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and felt such hatred for myself and the way I looked . . . even with my make-up on. I was devastated. At the time I had no voice to respond to this hateful voice to say something like “Excuse me, you don’t get to talk to me that way. Ever. For any reason!” Yes, I too know non-loving.

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Now after awakening to and transcending my early inner world I know loving and I know hating. Sometimes, many times a day I hear a voice from within say “I so love you.” And I hear another voice say, “I love you too.” Sometimes when I feel sad, sometimes when I feel lonely, sometimes when I’m stretching myself and trying something new, sometimes just because, for no reason. That kind of love for myself is right for all of us. It is our birthright. It reminds me of Derek Walcott’s beautiful poem Love after Love.

You actually don’t have to say the words out loud or even silently, what’s important is you have the feeling of self love.

If your answer is that you say “I Love You” to yourself several times a day or a week then I dance with you. But before we get too celebratory I wonder if you know where you say, “I love you” from. You see there is achievement, accomplishment, what we might call conditional “love”—which perhaps is not love at all—because you love yourself because the number on your scale is low enough today. Or did you just get engaged so you are proving you are OK to yourself? You know what I mean.

My dear friends that is accomplishment or achievement, for how much we succeeded I wouldn’t call that love; it’s achievement. Truly all good things, don’t get me wrong but not love. It is acknowledgment. I would call that “Conditional Something.” If you achieve this, that or the other, then I will love you. That is not real love. I’m sorry to say.

I’ve watched so many clients I work with, over and over again, be gravely disappointed because they finished a degree, had a huge business success and they still don’t feel lovable inside. They had a belief that an outside success would create an inside feeling. No true. They were caught in the Conditional Love hope world.

Then there is Unconditional Love. Unconditional Love is not about worthiness or deserving. It is love without conditions: “I love you because I love you, no reason. I love you because you are. No conditions, no accomplishment. I love you for being you: a total acceptance from your heart.” You still may not like that wrinkle or extra 10 pounds but it doesn’t destroy your love for yourself.

If you feel such a love without conditions for yourself, you are there. Don’t take it for granted. Whether you grew up this way or you’ve worked to come to this place, no matter: let it guide you to the life you were meant to live.

Do you know that the more we love ourselves, the more we can love others and the more we can let in another’s love for us. And if we don’t love ourselves, it does not matter how loving your partner is or family is you won’t be able to receive the love.

Self love then leads to self care.
Then you want to take care of yourself like you would care for anyone your deeply loved. And self love and self care lead to well being and thriving. Kind of interesting because self love and self care lead to creating a life that you love from your whole self.

Are you afraid that if you love yourself then you’ll be all alone? And no one else will love you. Hogwash!

The world of Unconditional Self Love helps us go forward into the unknown, fail and feel loved, experiment, and follow our passion not knowing where that will lead us and be loved. There is a power to Unconditional Self Love that you don’t want to miss. It’s life-changing.

 

For more articles on self love, self care and thriving, and living the life you love you may want to visit check out my blog post archives, and website articles and Get on our mailing list. Watch for the upcoming webinar the Feminine Power Project.

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Lynda Klau, Ph.D.
Founder & Director
Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development
www.drlyndaklau.com
life-unlimited-blog.com
1 212 595 7373

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Psychotherapy: getting free to live your dreams.

Psychotherapy: Transference: getting free to live your dreams.
Do you want to be free? Free of the obstacles that block you
from living your dreams. Then learn about Transference. It
is a key psychological concept that we all should know about
and understand. When we are able to be conscious that
transference is unconsciously operating in our lives; then we
have choice.


What is Transference? In the broadest definition of that term,
refers to the unconscious act of redirecting or projecting the
feelings that we had toward our parents or early caregivers
onto people in our everyday lives. To say that it affects our
behavior constantly would be an understatement. Imagine that
your boss doesn’t look you in the eyes and it instantly makes
you feel exactly as your father did when he treated you
dismissively as a child. Imagine walking into a job interview
and finding that the person behind the desk talks constantly
about herself, which unconsciously triggers the way you felt
when your father incessantly lectured you without asking your
opinions. Lastly, how many times have you been strongly
triggered by someone, either positively or negatively, without
knowing why? The truth is that most of us react to these
transferential situations emotionally and unconsciously.
The “wisdom-perspective” would advise us to detach from the
situation at hand because our personal feelings do not reflect
the objective facts. One of the common catchphrases of the
wisdom perspective is “Don’t take it personally!” But what
happens when we can’t help but do so?

If we understand the
psychological concept of Transference, then we realize that
the “real” situation we’re dealing with often triggers
a “symbolic” one that is often unconscious, activating feelings
that arise from our past. By addressing Transference, we begin
to distinguish between what is real and what is symbolic,
allowing us to return to everyday situations with awareness
and choice.



Transference Exercise

Here is an exercise to be done in your own

private time and space, designed to help decrease the negative
effects of Transference in your life:


Step 1: List the people in your everyday world who “push your
buttons.”


Step 2: Select one person on which to focus specifically.


Step 3: Perform a review of your feelings about this person. Ask
yourself: “What happened in reality? Who in my past does this
remind me of? How do I feel about that person?”


Step 4: Now visualize a boundary and separate the “real” person
you’re dealing with from the “symbolic” person they trigger


Step 5: Listen non-judgmentally to the feelings triggered by
the “symbolic” person. For example, pay attention to the things you
might have wanted to say or do to someone from your past, but
which you never did. You may even want to write your feelings down
concretely.


Step 6: Return to the “real” situation. What has changed?



This exercise should be repeated as often as necessary. It brings us
back to the “real” situation with a greater sense of emotional freedom
and clarity. The more conscious we become of our transferential
responses, their effect on us will increasingly diminish. We will not
simply unconsciously react to a person or a situation, but we will
respond productively with awareness and choice.

Want to heal your obstacles or blocks, your depression, anxiety, self-
esteem issues, and more? Want to know what your transference
rating is? Contact Dr. Lynda Klau @ drlyndaklau@gmail.com. http://
drlyndaklau.com/psychotherapy.html
.

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Psychotherapy: On Being and Becoming Whole

Blogs relating to: Psychotherapy and Couples Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy: On Being and Becoming Whole

Psychotherapy

Some of the most leading edge work in psychotherapy these days combines mindfulness, the body, neuroscience, and relationship research. I’ll be teaching a course in this powerful approach for mental health professionals as part of The Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy’s Year Long Certification Program in 2011-2012. Here’s the course description.

On Being and Becoming Whole

When we as mental health professionals combine mindfulness, neuroscience, and new relationship research, a synergetic approach emerges.

Several questions arise relevant to integrating psychotherapy and spirituality:

These and other questions inform this learning module, which draws from personal and professional stories as well as exercises and discussion.

  • How does mindfulness contribute?
  • How can we include the body?
  • What does “brain-wise” neuroscientific knowledge add?
  • What qualities can we develop to facilitate relationships that heal?

FREE OFFER

If you want to receive my hot of the press new podcast guiding you in a mindfulness meditation email me drlyndaklau@gmail.com and I’m happy to personally send it to you.

Sign up for the email newsletter on my official website for periodic updates and helpful information and resources.

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