Tag Archives: psychotherapy

The Notebook

Completing 2012 and Going Forward in 2013

A few years ago I heard a wise man make a suggestion I’d like to bring to you now. He recommended you purchase a beautiful notebook. This notebook is for you and your “revelations.” You can share it’s content or keep it private.

Perhaps you want to begin by remembering 2012 and the “revelations” you had this year. As a “revelation” comes write it down. What is a “revelation”? It’s a wisdom that came to you, an awareness that freed you from some personal or collective conditioning, a knowing. A revelation is something of value, a realization. Give yourself time to reflect on 2012. Please see if you can go forward without judging but proceed compassionately and in celebration.

Now for 2013 . . . every time you have a revelation write it down or draw a picture and then put it away in a private place until the next one comes.

3D-Sun-Rising-3d-sun-rising

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At any time the spirit moves you take out your notebook and read it. Imagine this come next December on some cold wintery night you may want to take out your notebook and read the gems of your life for 2013. Alone or share; it’s your notebook.

This year I’m going to follow my suggestion myself.

May 2013 be your best year yet!

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Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

http://www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

1 212 595 7373

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WHY I BECAME A HELPING PROFESSIONAL

By Dr. Lynda Klau

Many people have asked me why I became a helping professional. I share my answer with you now.

All my life, it appeared that I was “on the right track,” so that by the time I was in my twenties I had achieved all of the trappings of conventional success: I was married, I had earned my PhD, was financially comfortable and traveled often. But always, deep within, I felt a haunting sense of incompletion—a pervasive longing for something I couldn’t name.

Then one cold winter day in February, when I was twenty-nine, everything changed. On that day, in a professional workshop, I had a number of experiences that pierced the core of my being and unleashed my life energy, my essence, which had largely been locked up.

I felt the power of love: life itself and larger than life, the visible and the invisible. I opened to a new clarity of seeing, through which I met the present moment free from the past. I discovered what I could only call “Real Life.” This, I recognized, was what I had always been looking for—the vision that would pull me forward for the rest of my life.

Like every journey, it happened a step at a time, each step bringing a new freedom. Out of my desire to live “Real Life” which meant heal myself, live from my life energy, my essence, and live in harmony with the mystery of life, I began my life’s work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For over two decades, I have worked with individuals, couples, teams and organizations using my unique integration of a psycho-spiritual therapy, coaching and holistic business strategizing. I am a professional public speaker, and published author; I conduct workshops nationally and internationally and appear on radio and television. As an expert in the development of human possibility, I address a full spectrum of issues, from moving out of “stuckness”, fear and people pleasing—which could manifest as depression, anxiety, relationship conflicts, and business issues of all sorts—to evolving into a transformational, inside-out mindful and free mentality. In this place we live and thrive as our whole selves; being authentic, present, empowered; having our voice, feeling good enough, pursuing our callings in the world, being leaders, living our lives and giving to the world.

The way I work is: what is present in the moment, experiential and non-formulaic. My recent years of training in brain science, particularly Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB), naturally compliments the unique set of skills and cutting-edge tools for transformation that I have trained in and used successfully over the years: breathing, somatic work, mindfulness, guided imagery, Gestalt therapy, Transformational therapy, strength based approaches and more. All of this leading us to living “Real Life.”

I now see that, all along, I was building a roadmap that would help others find their way to this new way of living. It is unending. It is beyond my wildest dreams. It was worth all the work.

Today, I choose to be one of the many who acts as a midwife for the birth of a new world: one that works for everyone. A world that supports us all in being and becoming our best selves, supporting one another, based on the love of truth and the truth of love.

Another world is not only possible. She is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.   

~Arundhati Roy

Stay tuned for our upcoming teleclass-workshops. You can also work with me privately if you wish.

Sign up for my newsletter to be notified of events, click here. Feel free to pass this on to resonant others.

I always want to hear from you,

Lynda

Lynda Klau

 

Lynda Klau, Ph.D.

Founder & Director

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development

www.drlyndaklau.com

life-unlimited-blog.com

1 212 595 7373

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COUPLES COUNSELING: LOVING THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU

Couple walking with dog

Couples Counseling and Communication

Does this scene sound familiar?  You’re in a relationship. You want your partner to do something for you, but you never expressed your need. Now you’re angry because you didn’t get what you wanted.

At the beginning of our lives, as infants, we can’t communicate what we want. We have no choice but to depend upon others to give us what we need.

But we’re not infants anymore. As adults, we cannot realistically expect our partners to play the role of omniscient parents, magically anticipating and satisfying our needs.

A relationship is called a relationship because we are supposed to be relating, not mind-reading— otherwise, it would be called a “mind-reading-ship.” In order to build a mutually satisfying, mature relationship, each of us needs to:

  • Become aware of our true needs and wants
  • Ask for what we want in a clear and open way
  • Accept the disappointment of sometimes hearing “No”
  • Listen from our heart to what our partner asks of us
  • Ask ourselves what is truly right for us and have the courage to respond to our partner accordingly.

The more you and your partner learn to communicate, share your feelings, truly hear one another, and co-create solutions, you’ll increasingly be able to embrace the differences between the two of you. This paves the way for true love and compassion.

“… Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

Dr. Lynda Klau

drlyndaklau, 1 212 595 7373, drlyndaklau@gmail.com

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Couples Counseling: When Being Right is Wrong

Couples Counseling: When Being Right is Wrong.

couples counseling, couples psychotherapyWhen I heard my own voice crack while saying “I do” during my marriage ceremony over two decades ago, I must have had a premonition that I understood nothing about how to have a thriving relationship. Was I wise enough to read up on the subject? Did I reflect on what I had learned from my family or my cultural role models? I must have thought that I could just walk into a marriage  and live happily-ever-after. Perhaps many of us thought the same thing!

Think of it this way: To be a great skier, you have to take lessons and practice. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for a broken bone, not a glorious glide down the slopes. Building a vibrant relationship is no different.

Years later, after my divorce, I committed myself to becoming masterful at creating and thriving relationships and fixing broken ones, for myself and others.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that sometimes Being Right is Wrong!  So often many of us get stuck in one rigid position and that’s where we stay: stuck! In the realm of feelings and opinions, there is no “right.”  There is either open or closed, fear or love.

How often do you insist on being right? How often does your partner?  Why? Being “right” closes the conversation and the flow of energy between you. Then you become locked in opposite positions, with no opportunity to move forward.

Ask yourself:  Can I listen to the person in front of me from my heart? Can my partner listen to me?

It’s best when it’s a two way street.  You don’t need to agree: when there are two people in the room, you can expect two different opinions. But if you both listen to one another from your heart, allowing your differences, you will both learn, grow and be transformed together.

Questions for you:  Am I closing or opening the conversation? Can I have my voice and let my partner have his or hers? Can I agree to allow two different people to be in the room? I always want to hear your thoughts, dreams, visions, and winning tips, as well as the problems you’re currently struggling with that you need help resolving.   I invite you share with me on the Unlimited Life NY Blog or contact me personally @ drlyndaklau@gmail.com or 212-595-7373.

Couples Counseling: When Being Right is Wrong – By Dr Lynda Klau

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Psychotherapy: getting free to live your dreams.

Psychotherapy: Transference: getting free to live your dreams.
Do you want to be free? Free of the obstacles that block you
from living your dreams. Then learn about Transference. It
is a key psychological concept that we all should know about
and understand. When we are able to be conscious that
transference is unconsciously operating in our lives; then we
have choice.


What is Transference? In the broadest definition of that term,
refers to the unconscious act of redirecting or projecting the
feelings that we had toward our parents or early caregivers
onto people in our everyday lives. To say that it affects our
behavior constantly would be an understatement. Imagine that
your boss doesn’t look you in the eyes and it instantly makes
you feel exactly as your father did when he treated you
dismissively as a child. Imagine walking into a job interview
and finding that the person behind the desk talks constantly
about herself, which unconsciously triggers the way you felt
when your father incessantly lectured you without asking your
opinions. Lastly, how many times have you been strongly
triggered by someone, either positively or negatively, without
knowing why? The truth is that most of us react to these
transferential situations emotionally and unconsciously.
The “wisdom-perspective” would advise us to detach from the
situation at hand because our personal feelings do not reflect
the objective facts. One of the common catchphrases of the
wisdom perspective is “Don’t take it personally!” But what
happens when we can’t help but do so?

If we understand the
psychological concept of Transference, then we realize that
the “real” situation we’re dealing with often triggers
a “symbolic” one that is often unconscious, activating feelings
that arise from our past. By addressing Transference, we begin
to distinguish between what is real and what is symbolic,
allowing us to return to everyday situations with awareness
and choice.



Transference Exercise

Here is an exercise to be done in your own

private time and space, designed to help decrease the negative
effects of Transference in your life:


Step 1: List the people in your everyday world who “push your
buttons.”


Step 2: Select one person on which to focus specifically.


Step 3: Perform a review of your feelings about this person. Ask
yourself: “What happened in reality? Who in my past does this
remind me of? How do I feel about that person?”


Step 4: Now visualize a boundary and separate the “real” person
you’re dealing with from the “symbolic” person they trigger


Step 5: Listen non-judgmentally to the feelings triggered by
the “symbolic” person. For example, pay attention to the things you
might have wanted to say or do to someone from your past, but
which you never did. You may even want to write your feelings down
concretely.


Step 6: Return to the “real” situation. What has changed?



This exercise should be repeated as often as necessary. It brings us
back to the “real” situation with a greater sense of emotional freedom
and clarity. The more conscious we become of our transferential
responses, their effect on us will increasingly diminish. We will not
simply unconsciously react to a person or a situation, but we will
respond productively with awareness and choice.

Want to heal your obstacles or blocks, your depression, anxiety, self-
esteem issues, and more? Want to know what your transference
rating is? Contact Dr. Lynda Klau @ drlyndaklau@gmail.com. http://
drlyndaklau.com/psychotherapy.html
.

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Psychotherapy: On Being and Becoming Whole

Blogs relating to: Psychotherapy and Couples Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy: On Being and Becoming Whole

Psychotherapy

Some of the most leading edge work in psychotherapy these days combines mindfulness, the body, neuroscience, and relationship research. I’ll be teaching a course in this powerful approach for mental health professionals as part of The Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy’s Year Long Certification Program in 2011-2012. Here’s the course description.

On Being and Becoming Whole

When we as mental health professionals combine mindfulness, neuroscience, and new relationship research, a synergetic approach emerges.

Several questions arise relevant to integrating psychotherapy and spirituality:

These and other questions inform this learning module, which draws from personal and professional stories as well as exercises and discussion.

  • How does mindfulness contribute?
  • How can we include the body?
  • What does “brain-wise” neuroscientific knowledge add?
  • What qualities can we develop to facilitate relationships that heal?

FREE OFFER

If you want to receive my hot of the press new podcast guiding you in a mindfulness meditation email me drlyndaklau@gmail.com and I’m happy to personally send it to you.

Sign up for the email newsletter on my official website for periodic updates and helpful information and resources.

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Life Coaching: Reclaiming Your Authentic Voice

Life Coaching: Reclaiming Your Authentic Voice

I keep observing how so many of us in this world have lost our true voice, or
never really had it to begin with. How, then, can we reclaim it?

Our Western culture teaches that the personal self is the center of our
universe, the place where all of our competing, conditioned voices live. In
this model, the rational mind of the personal self reigns supreme. The first
step toward reclaiming our authenticity, however, is to embrace a more
expansive model of who we think we are and of how we view the world.
In truth, the whole of who we are is more than sum total of our personal
self, our “persona” and our “shadow.” It is necessary to deconstruct the old
hierarchy that places our ego above our core self, our heart and our body.
Once we realize that all parts of us deserve to be listened to, we can begin to
refocus our intentions and our attention upon reclaiming our authentic voice.

Our ability to impartially observe any part of us has been called
our “witnessing presence.” This refers to a place within us that stands
apart from our conditioned beliefs and self-judgments. It allows us to
differentiate between, harmonize, and ultimately transcend them. To develop
our “witnessing presence” just as we would any other muscle is the key to
emerging from our obstructions into an authentic way of living. From this
perspective, we enter a space in consciousness that is separate from our
identifications with the personal self’ s thoughts and feelings, but which
also respects them. This allows us to experience these beliefs fully without
becoming lost in them. From here, the authentic adult in us surfaces, the
person who can successfully integrate all of his or her conditioned voices
and selves, as well as open to fresh inspirations.

Imagine that you have been in business for fifteen years and you’ ve just
been downsized. Your savings are minimal and your expenses have not
changed: the monthly bills keep piling up in the mailbox, and no new
business is coming in. A common response to such a situation would be to
automatically respond with negative thoughts, beliefs and feelings rooted in
fear: “I will never be able to recover financially. What am I going to live on?
I will never be able to support myself and my family.” Harsh self-judgments
and blame typically accompany these beliefs: “This is my fault! I must have
done something wrong!” It is crucial to realize that these beliefs, whether
coming from the “persona” or “the shadow,” are just that: beliefs. Rather
than representing the entire truth about us, our beliefs account for only one
way of responding to a difficult situation. In reality, our deepest wisdom
does not speak to us judgmentally. When situations challenge us, it is the
authentic adult in us, supported by the “witnessing presence,” that keeps
reminding ourselves that our negative thoughts and feelings are not based in
actual reality, but in our default, conditioned beliefs.

Here’ s an exercise for you, which will help you reclaim your “ witnessing
presence,” the key to unlocking your authentic voice:

The following exercise is designed to launch you on your journey
toward reclaiming your authentic voice by helping you to develop a
strong “witnessing presence”:

1. Think of a situation that is currently a source of stress and conflict in your
life. For example, this situation could involve a frustrated desire to move
forward professionally or personally. It could also involve difficulties in
your family or in your romantic life.

2. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. In your left
column, make a list of concrete facts describing this situation. In your right
column, list your feelings and beliefs about this situation.

3. Often, we are so entrenched in our feelings that we mistake them for facts.
Carefully examine each item on each list and ask yourself, to the best of
your ability, whether the “facts” are actually objectively true, or if they are
your subjective emotions or beliefs. Facts, for example, don’ t tell us “The
sky is falling!”— only feelings do!

4. Based on your findings, reconfigure the two lists so that you have a more
accurate reflection of what information is purely factual and what is based in
your own personal and subjective reactions.

5. Without judging, look at the column on the right, where you have listed
your feelings. Do they seem disproportionate to the facts? If so, try to
listen to them with the knowledge that these are your subjective beliefs and
feelings, not objective facts that define the situation or who you are.

6. Give yourself the space to inhabit and express these feelings on the page.
You are now beginning to witness your feelings without becoming entirely
identified with them.

7. Return to the “facts” of the situation with this new perspective. Having
developed our “witnessing presence,” and having realized that our subjective
responses to a situation are not a direct reflection of reality, we are in fact
developing our authentic voice, a tool of extraordinary power. The feelings
and beliefs rooted in our “persona” and our “shadow” suddenly become less
daunting. Their power over us is diminished profoundly because we see
them in their proper light. This offers the adult in us the ability to address
challenging situations from a more knowing, creative, and proactive place.
Life Coaching
Dr. Lynda Klau

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