Tag Archives: relationships

Dear Dad, This is What I Want to Say to You on Father’s Day:

A 21st Century Woman Calls Dads to Action

What do I, a woman and your daughter, have to say to you on Father’s day? When you let yourself be vulnerable it does not mean you are weak.

Matter of fact being vulnerable—open, real, alive, honest, sharing “heartfully”—is the most innovative, creative and powerful place to live and work from.

daddys_girl.thumbnail

It’s so weird dad, women are often criticized because they are too vulnerable or emotional and we, men and women, have been socialized to think—being a male is better, superior, more powerful and women are the second sex, we give ourselves up, we are weak . . . but it’s time to wake up dad.

These beliefs are not true. Actually they are destructive. It’s time to change them. 

It’s time to realize that being vulnerable is sharing our humanity with each other, It is not only healing but it is living on the edge and the unknown, it is life changing.

When men, dear dad, and women, both realize that the more we let down our walls and talk from our hearts, we will know how to love and the world will change.

Dear dad the time is NOW.

Screen Shot 2013-05-24 at 11.46.52 AM

Lynda Klau, Ph.D.

Founder & Director

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development

www.drlyndaklau.com

life-unlimited-blog.com

1 212 595 7373

Leave a comment

Filed under counseling, global coaching, group coaching, holistic , leadership coaching, Life Coaching, love, mind body, mindfulness, personal coaching, psychotherapy, relationships, therapy, twitter

“Take the first step” toward Real Communication

Take the first step says poet David Whyte, not the second or the third for real communication: with yourself, at work, at home . . . in all communications, in all relationships.

Learn how to LISTEN even when you are angry or convinced you are right. Learn how to say what needs to be said that’s in your head and heart.

Over and over again I find myself being moved when I hear another tell me their experience. Like yesterday, I went to a new dentist who I didn’t want to like. My beloved dentist of years had retired and sold his practice to Dr. J.

Little by little as I shared my negative thoughts with a patient in the waiting room and listened to her, and then listened to Eileen as she cleaned my teeth, I saw my closed, fixed opinion begin to soften and open. And finally I meet Dr. J. He is shockingly lovely, open and smart. He is the first dentist who will listen to me talk about my health food toothpastes that have me coming for teeth cleanings every six months instead of the typical three-month visit.

Take the first step: learn how to put your feelings into words and share. Learn how to “for real” listen.

handshake.thumbnail

Here’s an exercise for you to develop your sharing and listening muscles.

An Exercise: Sharing Appreciations and Resentments

1.  A speaks her appreciations to B. B listens and doesn’t interrupt. A gives concrete examples, e.g. when I asked you to turn the computer off and you did, I really appreciated that. A gives a concrete example for every appreciation. Maximum time–3 minutes.

2.  B speaks her appreciations to A.  Again, very concrete examples. A listens, hopefully with head and heart and does not interrupt.

3.  A speaks her resentments, once again using concrete examples. B listens, no interruptions.

4.  B shares resentments while A listens.

Do this for a short period of time—3 minutes each maximum.

At first you are practicing speaking and listening. There is no responding.  When you have developed a muscle, you can respond if you want to after the other person has shared. No discussion just a simple response for no more than 1 minute.

This is a powerful exercise. In the end you do not have to agree. You may really disagree. However, if you’re listening with your head, heart and body you will most likely be affected; you and the other will find your authentic way.

Screen Shot 2012-12-31 at 10.17.11 AM

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

1 212 595 7373

Leave a comment

Filed under business coaching, business counseling, business leadership, coaching for entrepreneurs, coaching on skype, counseling, couples counseling, couples psychotherapy, couples psychotherapy, holistic , leadership coaching, Life Coaching, love, marriage, mind body, mindfulness, personal coaching, psychotherapy, relationships, romance, small business, therapy

The Notebook

Completing 2012 and Going Forward in 2013

A few years ago I heard a wise man make a suggestion I’d like to bring to you now. He recommended you purchase a beautiful notebook. This notebook is for you and your “revelations.” You can share it’s content or keep it private.

Perhaps you want to begin by remembering 2012 and the “revelations” you had this year. As a “revelation” comes write it down. What is a “revelation”? It’s a wisdom that came to you, an awareness that freed you from some personal or collective conditioning, a knowing. A revelation is something of value, a realization. Give yourself time to reflect on 2012. Please see if you can go forward without judging but proceed compassionately and in celebration.

Now for 2013 . . . every time you have a revelation write it down or draw a picture and then put it away in a private place until the next one comes.

3D-Sun-Rising-3d-sun-rising

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At any time the spirit moves you take out your notebook and read it. Imagine this come next December on some cold wintery night you may want to take out your notebook and read the gems of your life for 2013. Alone or share; it’s your notebook.

This year I’m going to follow my suggestion myself.

May 2013 be your best year yet!

Screen Shot 2012-12-31 at 10.07.20 AM

 

 

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director of

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

http://www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

1 212 595 7373

1 Comment

Filed under business coaching, global coaching, Life Coaching, mindfulness, personal coaching, psychotherapy

Avoidance or Awareness: How Do You Live?

Dr. Lynda Klau

“Avoidance works but Awareness works better and is in the direction of Evolution.”  Marilyn Ferguson

Years ago I read that sentence in an inspirational book by Marilyn Ferguson called “The Aquarian Conspiracy.” There are some lines that you hear once and never forget. This is one of them. Ferguson was right. Avoidance does work. You can push down, cut off, go far away, blame, not see—to varying degrees—feelings and thoughts inside you. You can live with a broken shower head, a doorbell that hasn’t rung in years, not see the garbage on the streets and much more. Avoidance supports you in living with the hard stuff without addressing it, without even being aware of it.  Avoidance helps you go forward. And, yet, there is a price to pay.

 *** 

See your right hand pushing your left fist down. Be your right hand. How much energy does your right hand need to keep your left fist down? Now see your left hand, after being held down for quite some time, and be your left hand, busting lose. Explosions happen from the repressed and suppressed. In the places where you avoid how can you be truly connected with yourself? How can you be fully intimate with another? How can your heart be wide open to all of life?

In order to survive many of us have had to avoid.  May we honor “avoidance.”  And realize its price.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awareness at its best means observing from a place that watches and does not judge. It is about waking up. You wake up to your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and decisions you’ve made about yourself and the world. I am bad. The world is dangerous. It’s my fault. You wake up to reality, the facts: you see the broken showerhead, you don’t have a job, your relationship is a mess. And you wake up to your calm center, your essence. As you build awareness you are also building another place on which to stand that holds the “all and the everything” from love and openness. From this perspective you can wholeheartedly see what is, and grow with it. What’s the downside? Often feelings and facts hurt. But the whole truth is they only hurt for a little while and then, the truth when felt, sets you free.

Do you want to move toward Awareness? Can you see some of its benefits?

What is the key to developing your Awareness? What is the major obstacle?

I always want to hear from you,

Lynda

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder & Director of

LifeUnlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

1 212 595 7373

Date 7.16.12

Leave a comment

Filed under holistic , Life Coaching, love, mind body, mindfulness, personal coaching, psychotherapy

Marriage Counseling: “Being With” is Severely Underrated

Marriage Counseling: “Being With” is Severely Underrated

Sometimes life places those we love in excruciating circumstances. They might be hurting, sick, grieving, or even dying.

As partners, our natural desire is to fix the problem and take away the hurt. But when we truly can’t “do anything in the face of such awfulness, we often feel helpless and powerless. This can be extremely hard for us to bear.

In situations such as these— in which “nothing can be done”— is there anything we can do?

Yes! We should never underestimate the power of simply “being with” our partner. This means being fully present and receptive to whatever our partner is experiencing without trying to change anything.

“Being with” is simple, yet not easy. Sometimes, it can be too painful to stay “open.” Be kind to yourself.  Notice when you can remain “open” and when you can’t. Don’t judge yourself. If you need to take a moment, do so.

In the darkest moments, this act of “being with” is perhaps the greatest gift we can give.

For more about Marriage Counseling please visit http://drlyndaklau.com/love_relationships.html

Enhanced by Zemanta

Leave a comment

Filed under counseling, couples counseling, couples psychotherapy, couples psychotherapy, Life Coaching, love, marriage, personal coaching, relationships, romance

Life Coaching: Reclaiming Your Authentic Voice

Life Coaching: Reclaiming Your Authentic Voice

I keep observing how so many of us in this world have lost our true voice, or
never really had it to begin with. How, then, can we reclaim it?

Our Western culture teaches that the personal self is the center of our
universe, the place where all of our competing, conditioned voices live. In
this model, the rational mind of the personal self reigns supreme. The first
step toward reclaiming our authenticity, however, is to embrace a more
expansive model of who we think we are and of how we view the world.
In truth, the whole of who we are is more than sum total of our personal
self, our “persona” and our “shadow.” It is necessary to deconstruct the old
hierarchy that places our ego above our core self, our heart and our body.
Once we realize that all parts of us deserve to be listened to, we can begin to
refocus our intentions and our attention upon reclaiming our authentic voice.

Our ability to impartially observe any part of us has been called
our “witnessing presence.” This refers to a place within us that stands
apart from our conditioned beliefs and self-judgments. It allows us to
differentiate between, harmonize, and ultimately transcend them. To develop
our “witnessing presence” just as we would any other muscle is the key to
emerging from our obstructions into an authentic way of living. From this
perspective, we enter a space in consciousness that is separate from our
identifications with the personal self’ s thoughts and feelings, but which
also respects them. This allows us to experience these beliefs fully without
becoming lost in them. From here, the authentic adult in us surfaces, the
person who can successfully integrate all of his or her conditioned voices
and selves, as well as open to fresh inspirations.

Imagine that you have been in business for fifteen years and you’ ve just
been downsized. Your savings are minimal and your expenses have not
changed: the monthly bills keep piling up in the mailbox, and no new
business is coming in. A common response to such a situation would be to
automatically respond with negative thoughts, beliefs and feelings rooted in
fear: “I will never be able to recover financially. What am I going to live on?
I will never be able to support myself and my family.” Harsh self-judgments
and blame typically accompany these beliefs: “This is my fault! I must have
done something wrong!” It is crucial to realize that these beliefs, whether
coming from the “persona” or “the shadow,” are just that: beliefs. Rather
than representing the entire truth about us, our beliefs account for only one
way of responding to a difficult situation. In reality, our deepest wisdom
does not speak to us judgmentally. When situations challenge us, it is the
authentic adult in us, supported by the “witnessing presence,” that keeps
reminding ourselves that our negative thoughts and feelings are not based in
actual reality, but in our default, conditioned beliefs.

Here’ s an exercise for you, which will help you reclaim your “ witnessing
presence,” the key to unlocking your authentic voice:

The following exercise is designed to launch you on your journey
toward reclaiming your authentic voice by helping you to develop a
strong “witnessing presence”:

1. Think of a situation that is currently a source of stress and conflict in your
life. For example, this situation could involve a frustrated desire to move
forward professionally or personally. It could also involve difficulties in
your family or in your romantic life.

2. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. In your left
column, make a list of concrete facts describing this situation. In your right
column, list your feelings and beliefs about this situation.

3. Often, we are so entrenched in our feelings that we mistake them for facts.
Carefully examine each item on each list and ask yourself, to the best of
your ability, whether the “facts” are actually objectively true, or if they are
your subjective emotions or beliefs. Facts, for example, don’ t tell us “The
sky is falling!”— only feelings do!

4. Based on your findings, reconfigure the two lists so that you have a more
accurate reflection of what information is purely factual and what is based in
your own personal and subjective reactions.

5. Without judging, look at the column on the right, where you have listed
your feelings. Do they seem disproportionate to the facts? If so, try to
listen to them with the knowledge that these are your subjective beliefs and
feelings, not objective facts that define the situation or who you are.

6. Give yourself the space to inhabit and express these feelings on the page.
You are now beginning to witness your feelings without becoming entirely
identified with them.

7. Return to the “facts” of the situation with this new perspective. Having
developed our “witnessing presence,” and having realized that our subjective
responses to a situation are not a direct reflection of reality, we are in fact
developing our authentic voice, a tool of extraordinary power. The feelings
and beliefs rooted in our “persona” and our “shadow” suddenly become less
daunting. Their power over us is diminished profoundly because we see
them in their proper light. This offers the adult in us the ability to address
challenging situations from a more knowing, creative, and proactive place.
Life Coaching
Dr. Lynda Klau

1 Comment

Filed under business counseling, coaching for entrepreneurs, coaching on skype, Life Coaching, twitter