Tag Archives: self-love

When was the last time you said “I Love You” . . . to Yourself?

When was the last time you said “I Love You” . . . to Yourself? Now that’s a question, isn’t it?

And I’m curious about your answer. Would it be OK to ask yourself the question now? See if you can embrace whatever answer comes without judging yourself. Whatever your answer, it’s just information.

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An Exercise for You
Here’s an exercise that can help. Sit down in a place where you won’t be disturbed. Breathe in and out three times. Close your eyes and see yourself standing in front of a mirror. Now be there in front of that mirror. Say to yourself, either silently or out loud “Your Name, I Love You.” How does it feel to the part of you who is saying it? Why are you saying it? And for the part of you who is hearing and receiving it, can you let it in? Does it feel good? Or not? What are you feeling in your body? Do you feel worthy of such self-love? Do you deserve? If you feel loved—wonderful.

If you can’t say it or it’s hard or you can’t let the love in then you may want to start saying “I Love you” and see what arises when you say those words while at the same time strengthening your love of yourself. See if you can hold love and not love. That would be a good practice.

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What did you discover? When was the last time you said I Love You to yourself: upon wakening this morning? before going to sleep last evening? a month ago? you can’t remember? hardly ever? Are you much more accustomed to hear yourself saying, “I hate this wrinkle or look at that fat roll?”

It was Carl Rogers, the psychologist, who said the hardest thing for people to say to each other are the very positive things. That is true for ourselves with ourselves. As I write to you today I’m remembering I have lived through loving and hating myself. They are two different worlds. I’m remembering one morning just around Halloween, years ago, when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and felt such hatred for myself and the way I looked . . . even with my make-up on. I was devastated. At the time I had no voice to respond to this hateful voice to say something like “Excuse me, you don’t get to talk to me that way. Ever. For any reason!” Yes, I too know non-loving.

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Now after awakening to and transcending my early inner world I know loving and I know hating. Sometimes, many times a day I hear a voice from within say “I so love you.” And I hear another voice say, “I love you too.” Sometimes when I feel sad, sometimes when I feel lonely, sometimes when I’m stretching myself and trying something new, sometimes just because, for no reason. That kind of love for myself is right for all of us. It is our birthright. It reminds me of Derek Walcott’s beautiful poem Love after Love.

You actually don’t have to say the words out loud or even silently, what’s important is you have the feeling of self love.

If your answer is that you say “I Love You” to yourself several times a day or a week then I dance with you. But before we get too celebratory I wonder if you know where you say, “I love you” from. You see there is achievement, accomplishment, what we might call conditional “love”—which perhaps is not love at all—because you love yourself because the number on your scale is low enough today. Or did you just get engaged so you are proving you are OK to yourself? You know what I mean.

My dear friends that is accomplishment or achievement, for how much we succeeded I wouldn’t call that love; it’s achievement. Truly all good things, don’t get me wrong but not love. It is acknowledgment. I would call that “Conditional Something.” If you achieve this, that or the other, then I will love you. That is not real love. I’m sorry to say.

I’ve watched so many clients I work with, over and over again, be gravely disappointed because they finished a degree, had a huge business success and they still don’t feel lovable inside. They had a belief that an outside success would create an inside feeling. No true. They were caught in the Conditional Love hope world.

Then there is Unconditional Love. Unconditional Love is not about worthiness or deserving. It is love without conditions: “I love you because I love you, no reason. I love you because you are. No conditions, no accomplishment. I love you for being you: a total acceptance from your heart.” You still may not like that wrinkle or extra 10 pounds but it doesn’t destroy your love for yourself.

If you feel such a love without conditions for yourself, you are there. Don’t take it for granted. Whether you grew up this way or you’ve worked to come to this place, no matter: let it guide you to the life you were meant to live.

Do you know that the more we love ourselves, the more we can love others and the more we can let in another’s love for us. And if we don’t love ourselves, it does not matter how loving your partner is or family is you won’t be able to receive the love.

Self love then leads to self care.
Then you want to take care of yourself like you would care for anyone your deeply loved. And self love and self care lead to well being and thriving. Kind of interesting because self love and self care lead to creating a life that you love from your whole self.

Are you afraid that if you love yourself then you’ll be all alone? And no one else will love you. Hogwash!

The world of Unconditional Self Love helps us go forward into the unknown, fail and feel loved, experiment, and follow our passion not knowing where that will lead us and be loved. There is a power to Unconditional Self Love that you don’t want to miss. It’s life-changing.

 

For more articles on self love, self care and thriving, and living the life you love you may want to visit check out my blog post archives, and website articles and Get on our mailing list. Watch for the upcoming webinar the Feminine Power Project.

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Lynda Klau, Ph.D.
Founder & Director
Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development
www.drlyndaklau.com
life-unlimited-blog.com
1 212 595 7373

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LIFE COACHING: LOVING YOUR BODY

End the age old war between your body, heart and mind and claim your power, beauty and freedom now!

Are you, one of the 9 out of 10 women in our country today, who is in a war with your body? Do you believe the only way you’ll have the body you want, the body men will be attracted to, is by controlling your body: rigidly exercising, putting yourself on massively depriving diets, and repeatedly telling your body what is not OK about it (which is putting it mildly)? At rock bottom do you realize that you believe that your body is dangerous, not to be trusted and is the enemy? We live in a world where there is a profound mistrust and fear of our body.  And the real truth is that your body can be a very trusted friend and partner.

Do you realize there is another way to live? Do you know your body is the way you experience life and if you lock it up, or are afraid of it, you deprive yourself of being fully alive, fully present, living moment to moment.  Are you willing to unlock the door and stop treating your body as if it were a wild animal but rather a wise friend?

 Are you ready to Love your Body, discover who and what it really is, break out of centuries of bondage, and reclaim your female power, beauty and freedom from the inside out???  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOW CAN WE LOVE OUR BODIES?

1.  There is only one way: accept your body as it is now. There is a place in us that lives from acceptance and love, it loves and accepts what is, and doesn’t judge. Look at your body from the place in you that loves and accepts what is.

2.  Your acceptance has to be from you head and your heart.  You are not accepting when your head says “I accept” while you are feeling otherwise from your your heart.  That’s conflict, not acceptance.

3. Make your body your friend and partner.

4. Enjoy the pleasure, your body can feel: sensual, subtle, sexy . . .

5. Listen to its pain—your body is your best barometer for letting you know attention must be paid–emotional or physical.

6.  Listen to all the needs of your body: bodies like to rest, play, sleep, move, dance, breathe, and much more.

A NEW WAY

Did you know that you can accept your body and still choose to loose weight?  But losing weight from fear or judgment is diametrically the opposite of losing weight from LOVE. Did you know that when you eat what your body wants and you eat slowly, really experiencing the food, you will eat less and you will lose weight naturally? Discover it’s not your body that stuffs it’s face when you are lonely, angry, frustrated . . . And when your body is being fed by life and all the other things it loves your body won’t want to eat as much, because food will not be it’s only source of pleasure.

Remember accepting you body as a friend is a process.  It will take time.  Be kind to yourself.

Take your first step . . .you are on your way to walking in balance, honoring the whole of you and living from love and trust, not fear and control.  You are on your way toward ending your war.  How good for you and our world.

I always want to hear from you.

Dr.Lynda Klau

Founder & Director of

LifeUnlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

http://www.DrLyndaKlau.com

Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

1 212 595 7373

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Practicing Self-Care: Women are We Killing Ourselves in the Name of Love?

Dr. Lynda Klau

A Call to All Women: more than ever, we need to choose Self-Care as our first priority in order to fulfill our potential.

Dear Woman,

  • Are you more “burned out” than you realize, running on empty most of the time?
  • Are you too drained to be truly present with the closest people in your life?
  • When people ask you how you’re doing, do you say “Great!” even though you’re dragging yourself around with your last ounce of energy?
  • Do you feel like your needs don’t count?

Despite all the progress we’ve made over the years, being a woman today is harder than ever before. Many of us are still victims of a deeply rooted, collective belief that it’s selfish to put ourselves first. No matter how many opportunities we may have gained, we’re often still expected to play the role of major caregiver—not only for our children, but our parents and partners as well.

The whole truth is that today’s woman is serving triple-duty: as a result, there’s less time than ever to focus on ourselves, both internally and externally.

Ultimately, however, nothing—no matter how important the roles we play might be—should come at the expense of our own well-being.

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When we care for ourselves first and foremost, we become role models—for our children, our partners, and, most of all, for each other. By bringing our whole selves into the equation—rested, playful, creative, sexy, and smart—we build the foundation to do what we need to do in a balanced and harmonious way. This delivers unexpected results: the true joys of creativity, spontaneity, energy, productivity, and love.

This is not selfishness; it is the essence of Self-Care.

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The Dalai Lama has said it is the western woman who will lead us to the new world.  That’s quite a mandate—and a compliment as well! But in order to do that, we must learn to care for ourselves first, or we will miss the mark and not fulfill our potential.

This means:

So many of us mistakenly believe that Self-Care will be just another large drain of our time and energy—one more set of demands to put on the “To Do” list. But true self-care is actually 180-degrees the opposite.

What would it take for you to make self-care a vital part of your everyday life?

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I invite you—a woman who cares about herself and her world—to practice Self-Care and to “make our lives our own dance.” Only then will we have the chance of fulfilling our potential as women, walking into the new world, one step at a time.

Here are four exercises to strengthen your Self-Care, from wherever you are:

  1. Shut off all technological devices and sit quietly for five minutes every day.
  1. Do something you consider play “just for you” for at least fifteen minutes per day. This could mean anything: dancing in your living room, reading a book, taking a bath, singing or listening to music.
  1. Ask yourself: what do I really need and want? What really matters to me? Start to make a list of the things you love to do.
  1. Make the following quote your mantra: “Only go as fast as the slowest part of you can go.”

This is the first in a series of articles.

I always want to hear from you,

Lynda

Dr. Lynda Klau

Founder and Director

Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Possibility

www.DrLyndaKlau.com

blog www.Life-Unlimited-Blog.com

drlyndaklau@gmail.com

1 212 595 7373

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Life Coaching: 6 Ways To Be Your Own Best Valentine

Dr. Lynda Klau

single, divorced, separated,depression, self-judgmentHow not to fall into feeling unlovable or lonely this year because you don’t have a Valentine!

Once again, February 14th is right around the corner. And this year, for whatever reason, you don’t have a Valentine to call your own. You may be single or separated, divorced or widowed. Unfortunately, so many of us who find ourselves in this situation fall into feelings of deep inadequacy and despair. We tell ourselves: “I’m not good enough; something’s wrong with me; I’ll never find someone.” The reasons why we’re “alone” don’t matter. What matters is learning how to address these feelings so that you embrace Valentine’s Day 2012 feeling the fullness of love rather than the black hole of emptiness and lack.

Here are 6 proven ways for you to be your own best Valentine this year.

1. Avoid the black hole. You may be tempted to judge or blame yourself because you are alone. Don’t do it! Say to yourself, as often as necessary, what your deepest wisdom knows to be true: “I am lovable and connected to everyone, forever.” You don’t have to believe it for this to work!

Cherish the daily miracles that might easily be missed: the smile of a stranger, the movement of a child, a lovely connection with a service person.

2. Buy Yourself the most beautiful Valentine’s Day Card several days before the “big day.” Then spend some time writing a heartfelt note to yourself and literally mail it to your own address. When the card arrives in your mailbox, enjoy opening it and reading it on Valentine’s Day. Inhale your message, feeling its beauty in your heart. Then let that radiate to your whole body.

3. Before Valentine’s Day, ask yourself: “How do I really want to spend Valentine’s Day and evening?” Do you want to gather with friends? If so, here’s a wonderful exercise: Pair up, either standing or sitting, with one person at a time. Face each other silently, looking into each other’s eyes for a few minutes.  Feel your connection. Repeat this with each person that has gathered together with you.

Do you want to be with yourself? Then call someone you love, or who loves you, or who you know needs love and celebrate loving.

Want to treat yourself to something special? Treat yourself to a massage:  feel the nurturing touch and enjoy.

4. On the actual day, buy yourself some ‘I Love You candies’ or long stem American beauty red roses. Silently say to all parts of yourself—especially to the young and vulnerable parts—”You are loved.”

5. Wish other people you know Happy Valentine’s Day. It should be everyone and anyone: the cashier at the supermarket, the baby-sitter, your car mechanic, the doorman, the postman or post-woman. You’re not wishing them for what you’ll receive but enjoy all the “Happy Valentine’s Day wishes” you receive
back from them.

6. Know this Truth: You can only truly love and be loved by another when you are masterful at loving yourself, just the way you are.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you always!

Lynda

Dr. Lynda Klau,
Founder & Director of
Life Unlimited: The Center for Human Development
http://www.drlyndaklau.com
1 212 595 7373

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